So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
