he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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