put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I yelled at your uterus for you.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize