just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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