My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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