I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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