I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
