I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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