based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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