Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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