we're blogging at a bar
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
