it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
