And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
