so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
