I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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