apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
