His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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