made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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