It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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