did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I am one with the molecules
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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