Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize