Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
