Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
