Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
