Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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