the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You smell like stripper and shame
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
