i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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