I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
