dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
