It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
accomplished twins. life is a go
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Boobs speak an international language.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
