not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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