is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
