I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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