maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We're too hungover to prance.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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