two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Someone came in the potted fern
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
