I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
