I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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