3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Someone shit on the floor
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
