wanna go halves on a baby?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
