I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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