I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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