Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
