hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
