I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
