So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
