You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
