i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
