I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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