I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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