I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
