When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
