I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
