Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
