If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
