Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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