My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
