He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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