he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
