my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
