She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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