lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
