Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
