Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
