Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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