Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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