I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
